7 signs you’re pregnant: or The 7 Deadly Sins

20140803-121731-44251619.jpg

There are very few things that I relate to large groups of women about. For most of my life I’ve been one of the dudes!

I find myself in a girls club like never before, I relate to Women. I’m starting to understand why they let their bodies, and fashions go. I’m Beginning to see why they love their kids more than their husbands.
20140803-121731-44251531.jpg

Lets be honest everyone has a friend that refuse to be. A mirror enemy : a close friend or acquaintance that embodies all of the least favorite characteristics of oneself.

In this case I’m my own mirror enemy. I’m 11 weeks pregnant with my first child. If you ask any woman how pregnancy is this is what you will hear.

I loved being pregnant!

you can eat whatever you want!

I actually lost weight

aren’t the Hormones amazing, and your skin just glows

Don’t worry, you’ll lose the weight fast from breast feeding

My father asked me not to curse in my blog, Dad I’m sorry!

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit
20140803-121731-44251702.jpg
I am miserable, and you’re really going to hate me. I’ve never vomited once! No, I’m not throwing up violently for everyone to know that I’m pregnant. I’m either constipated, farting, or having horrible diarrhea. I was actually in the bathroom so long the other day my husband insinuated I had been cheating on him with myself…. Have you lost your mind sir.

Oh yes I’m incredibly horny there are hormones racing through my body like a 13
year old boy, but between the mood swings the farts and the constant nagging
What am I supposed to do with it?

20140803-121731-44251957.jpg

I think or my first trimester as the 7 signs you’re pregnant: or The 7 Deadly Sins.

Lust: all of a sudden you can’t drink or smoke for what seems like the rest of
Your life, and if you have a good partner they will offer to Not do those things with you. If your partner is human they will do those things within a matter of days. So you Lust after their freedom as they flaunt it right in front of you.

Greed: I found myself shopping daily, trying to hoard every last pair of size 28 designer jeans I could find, because these were my last weeks in this body. As the bloat and the beer bellyesk bump began to hang over my perfectly sculpted waist.

Gluttony: Whether you are eating to keep from throwing up or you are craving fast food. You are no longer in charge of portion control or your own tastebuds. I have struggled my entire life with weight gain, and my relationship with food; this is unlike and food struggle. The gluttony that takes over and the cravings that leave you helpless.

Envy: You want to head bunt every girl in Pure Barre that hasn’t been forced to stop stretching on There stomach . Every person who can drink Beer and eat Mexican cheese sucks, because you are so envious of them.

Anger: You can probably tell by now its not all baby bumps and glowing skin over here. My husband said it best, “ wow, they really lie to you don’t they when does it look like your pregnant?” Just another reason to be angry ; you just have a frat boy beer belly and you hate everyone.

Pride: you struggle with this one in between bouts of self-doubt and trying to reassure yourself you’re not crazy. You become prideful and no one anywhere better doubt you …                      God Forbid they question you.

 I will end you   is an appropriate to response to every question.

Sloth: You are so unbelievably exhausted and fatigued, your clothes don’t match,
Your house is a mess, and you smell like a fart.

And you smell like a Fart

That is where the blog originally ended. Unfortunately this is only the beginning, and I know for a fact it will get better and there are a million reasons women do this multiple times. I started this blog to be about food and fashion and only publish positive honest views. Just to Clarify this is positive, because on the other end of this blog in the year 2015 is the smartest, most beautiful amazingly talented artist I will ever meet, and if you ever say anything different about my kid…

I WILL END YOU

20140803-121731-44251881.jpg20140803-121731-44251789.jpg

 

We will make it ok! Photos By JAM