The assignment

Healing for me starts with being still, comfortable, or safe in my own skin. Considering that writing these thoughts or feelings while I have them is in itself a breakthrough. The assignment has been ringing in my ears to the point of seconded guessing not only if I heard it correctly but if I in fact comprehend it and will execute it properly.

The Assignment:

What does it look like on the other side of the Armor?

Once the work is in place and you are a functioning emotional being what does it look like:

To truly answer this, I have to go back to the beginning. When I started this work of uncovering years of pain, emotion, memories, and experience’s; first what I had to do was not only learn what emotions where but learn the names for them not just as the distress call from my body. I had to sit and think what does that pit in my stomach signify and what is the word to describe its feeling. I truly believed that pain was an emotion, now I see pain was simply a symptom of my not accepting the emotion.

In an effort to not be vulnerable not only to others but even with myself I would wear a suit of armor allowing no one in to see what frail sad little girl lie beneath it all.

One of my earliest sessions my therapist asked why I couldn’t describe to her in words what I was feeling; from the most honest and broken dark part of myself I explained to her my love for words and language. Then she asked with even more intrigue

“Then Why can’t you tell me in words?”

    “Because my insides aren’t as beautiful as the words” I sobbed

That was the moment when I realized I had no value for my own life. The reason I was in this office was because I felt weak and hopeless, in the darkest pit of despair my life felt as though it wasn’t worth the Words I would use to describe it.

That bring me to my answer; what do my insides look like now.

They look like words.

I’ve comprised a list of not only words but the words with the definitions and what they mean to me. Some are changes I’m slowly accepting some are changes that have already happened. In the seasons of life, I realize I may not always feel these things or this strength; but this will be some thing for me to use as tool in my effort to grow and teach myself and my child how to exercise emotional health.

Gate: Noun a hinged barrier used to close an opening

I will replace my armor with a gate, what I like the most about this concept is the hinge it has to the ability to open and close, there will be times when I will need to keep people, things, criticisms out. A gate will allow me to do this when its necessary while still having the ability to open it up and let the good, healthy things in.

Respite: Noun a short period of rest or relief from something difficult or unpleasant.

This is possibly my favorite word in the English language I would imagine this is how Hemingway might feel in my arms on a sweaty night in Paris booze soaked and dripping from bar fights. Id offer him a soft place to land and feel vunerable. This word is now for me and it’s as simple as a breathe. I will allow myself to heal myself and focus on me the way I would focus on other people. I will be my own rest when I need it I will do my best to listen to me.

Honor: Verb Regard with great respect, to fulfill an obligation or to keep an agreement.

This word has multiple definitions I really like the verb definition the most. I’ve made some hasty decisions and some destructive decisions, as of late I have chosen to honor the commitment to me and my emotional health as opposed to feeling obligated to others, I will keep the agreement with myself and honor my healing and growing.

Space: Noun a continuous area or expanse which is free, available, and unoccupied.

This definition is for my relationships, a thing I always craved, and thought was unattainable until this year. One of the greatest parts of my relationship with Fritz has been the space I have been allowed. To foster my own life as well as other relationships. I am hopeful for healthy relationships that allow space and silence to exist in them. A level of comfort that grows and allows silence and the space.

Control: Verb (Statistics) take into account and extraneous factor that might affect results

When I first thought if this word I thought long and hard on it and knew the word meant more to me than just manipulating or owning a situation… in and experiment there is always a control. The thing that doesn’t change. This is my grace. Knowing very well all of this work doesn’t take away any value from the things I’ve done in past. The point is not to discredit my former self the point is to know that what we tried wasn’t working and now we are going to try it another way. I’m allowing myself some grace

Shine: Noun a quality of brightness, especially from a reflected light.

For me, my child and anyone whom my life my touch. Slowly I will grow to reflect the light and energy I have put into everyone else for so long. I will learn to shine from within from a well that is full and has the ability to refill when it is necessary. I will Shine and when I can’t I will honor the respite inside of me and take the space that I need.

What’s Stingray Got to do with it!

If you follow me on Instagram… Stop right there. Click And follow now that we’ve cleared that up let’s start again.

Since you follow me on Instagram you know my Husband is an incredibly talented artist!  Recently he painted a Kelly Wearstler Inspired mural for Eatmans Interiors.


Hand Painted Wall By Kyle Mitchell For Eatmans

Kyle went to Eatmans to survey the job I went  to see VanCollier custom made Eatmans Bar Stool!

Eatmans Barstool in Shagreen

I was blown away it was twisted steal that created Sex Appeal (<stole his line )!

I ran my hand across the sexy navy top with a slightly bumpy texture and exclaimed

I love Faux Stingray

It also comes like this:

Eatmans Barstool in Mondrian

So further down the road I’m at High Point Furniture market ; the Furniture capital of the world and guess what Trend forecast I made last year is taking off :Stingray

There is just one problem here; did you read What’s Kale Got to Do with it… cuz I think we have a title theme happening .You didn’t read it but after you finish this one you will!

I’m running around Market with HG pointing out all my Trend Forecasts

Fuchsia, itchy grey, Stingray

I was singing it like the wizard of oz! HG would just giggle and let me be me❤️love that girl !​

​When I returned home from Furniture Market I began reaching out to companies for images. Proper titles of things; dimensions, descriptions. It’s amazing how nice people are to tiny little blogger like me!


Shagreen Vanity in the Made Goods show room

I must say the most gracious of all of the companies was Marlene at Made Goods. I asked for some images of their Faux Stingray vanity and side tables! She was kind enough to send  me a link to their

Shagreen Collection 


I had to google it , What has Shagreen got to do with it, everything. I had been miss identifying this product the whole time. img_3601

Though Stingray and Shagreen are in a similar family

Shagreen is a type of rawhide consisting of rough untanned skin, formerly made from a horse’s back or that of an onager (wild ass). Shagreen is now commonly made of the skins of sharks and rays.
The word derives from the French chagrin and is related to Italian zigrino and Venetian sagrin, derived from the Turkic sağrı / çağrı ‘rump of a horse’ or the prepared skin of this part. The roughness of its texture led to the French meaning of anxiety, vexation, embarrassment, or annoyance.[1] Wiki

In order to sound like you actually know what you’re talking about… it’s best to kind of know what your talking about!


1st Dibs Vintage Shagreen Side Table

I’m a novice and honestly probably have no business writing a furnishings blog… but this is a lifestyle blog with a furnishings section so! Let me be silly and learn from my mistakes! There will be plenty more



Forecasting Fuchsia

It was a pretty Grey day Sunday in High Point , the kind of date your just want to stay in bed!This was my 9th trip to high Point furniture market .


Oly is the Only way to Stay in Bed

It’s a bi annual show for all things home; furniture, art, carpet, and lighting. People come from all over the world to see what’s new in the world of Interiors design.


mariska meijers

I’ve tried convincing many of my  Interior design friends that one of my gifts is forecasting the trends that will take off in the real world ( not Just Dwell Magazine) and be profitable.


TWS Venice Art

Just one problem with this type of gift, the results are delayed . So you are now reading a blog in the future; If you are reading this blog Spring of 2017 you have two choices you can read it and let it influence your future home choices so you can say

I did it first !

You can also just put this link in your book marks for a year and send me some feedback next year.

Now for the Forecasts   

Interior design has become a much more hands on approach for the consumer. Since we now have the ability to decorate our own home “expertly” with the help of the Internet and Pinterest … we have a much higher margin of error. So we aren’t doing full room makeovers ,we are investing in one piece at a time.

Fuchsia is so bright,gotta wear shades of pink 

Ottomans, Rugs , pillows , art, and side boards.

For the softer souls with higher budgets there are blush sofas and Chez even light pink Vanity.

If you’re the kind of person who needs to dip their toe in slowly; table top boxes are the perfect way to break into a trend. Shagreen (WTF is that) , tortoise , polished stone and wood canal add a dramatic flair to any room.

In comedy the joke is only funny if there is a straight man. The straight man in this situation is grey and it’s kind of itchy.

Light and dark but full of slightly uncomfortable textures to touch but very visually pleasing!

I hope my Trend Forcast for 2018 can help you change your interiors one piece at a time.


Kelly Wearstler


Abstract Movement


Mariska MeijersOly StudioTWS Venice

Made GoodsNourison Rugs
Alexis Walter,Maggie Cruz
Worlds away ,Bungalow 5

The Silent Killer 

I’ve started this Blog 100 times, 100 ways

I’m being bullied 

It hurts

I can’t stand up for myself 

I’m lost and confused 

I am  a 33 years old women, and I’m being bullied….wait what. 

I’m not in High School, I’m not in a sorority. I am a grown women being bullied by another grown women.

Courage The heart of our Core Values, courage is the mental, moral, and physical strength ingrained in Marines that sees them through the challenges of combat and the mastery of fear, and to do what is right, to adhere to a higher standard of personal conduct, to lead by example, and to make tough decisions under stress and pressure. It is the inner strength that enables a Marine to take that extra step.

I was raised by a Marine with these Values

I have always tried to  adhere to a higher standard, and it is my personal goal on a daily basis to be able to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. I’m the one who can’t stand up in this situation.

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

The hardest thing for me in this situation is I’m the one being excluded. I’m the one who’s mental health is being compromised, the worst part is it’s a women. It’s a silent killer and I need to speak up, but I am so scared. The intimidation is real. This is my first step. I will not live afraid any more ,and I will not keep it a secret. I am standing up for my self , but also as an example for my son. 

Don’t live in silence 


Psychology Today
Bullying Prevention White House

Time Flies 

This Blog was Launched in 2014 and so much has happened since then… besides a baby and #ootd’s 

It’s gonna take a While and few Blogs to catch you up! The last blog I wrote I had Blonde hair and it was an inch long !

Things we will address in up coming blogs

What is Happening with Kyle Mitchell

How is my Mental Health 

What is this new F about! 

Be sure to Follow Triangle Scout Guide on Sunday the 23rd of April I’ll be taking over for High Point Furniture Market and after that we will address this New F to Live By!


I don’t Drink Gin

It’s true I am 100% a vodka girl! 

I also don’t take shots it’s not Lady Like!   

Last night I did both, calm down Dad I had a DD he’s the guy in the left of the photo! My Husband  Kyle and recently faced a Bar and cabinets at the Durham Distillery a boutique Distillery and the home to Modern Gin.  


Bar Face & Faux Marble by Kyle Mitchell

So  we were invited to there Grand Opening! It was a crappy night in Durham as we got dumped on by Joaquin, but when we arrived the tents were a glow and I was rocking my newest Edie Sedgwick Doo!  

 As we entered we were greated by Melissa and Lee the husband and wife master minds behinde this “modern Gin” as they ushered me to the tasting bar I was reluctant since I couldn’t mix my gin due to the NC liquor laws. Oh the hesitation in that first shot of Gin and I had to take it straight… 

  I was blown away seriously the discription of this Gin is exactly as the way it taste. It was smooth it was a little floral it was in fact 

Vodkas cousin in a red dress! 

Liqueur was next in line to taste!  

 Damn Fine is the only way to describe this chocolatey alcoholic  goodness! This would be perfect alone on the rocks!  
  We had a lovely time! Thank you Melissa and Lee! We look forward to watching this buisness grow!

In short, I don’t drink Gin but if I do it better give me a Conniption!

The Durham Distillery is located in downtown Durham North Carolina for tastings, tours and info email them at

Durham Distillery 

711 Washington Street 

Durham, NC 27701 

p. 919-937-2121

9 Months of Black a True Story 

The prompt on WordPress says 

Share your story here…

That’s exactly what I’m doing. Someone asked me today what my goal was with the blog; originally it started as a fashion blog because who doesn’t want to have a reason for all those selfies.    

 Once I found out I was pregnant I was terrified of what it was going to do to my body. I had worked so hard to be in great shape to feel good in my clothes, so good infact I was shareing pictures of myself with millions of strangers. 

 The first time my husband and I tried to conceive I couldn’t do it, I was in tears. I didn’t want to get fat.  

You’re not fat, you’re pregnant 

  I failed to see the difference honestly, and what is maternity fashion anyway. I spent my entire life trying to conseal my not so flat stomache, or my wide hips. All of a sudden it was acceptable to be round.  

 In the early months of my pregnancy I counted my calories to make sure my child was nourished and I wasn’t going to gain more than the 25-30 pounds at the doctors request .I gained 25lbs in three months eating 2000-1500 calories a day, and continuing my regular workouts.  

 I felt helpless, by my second trimester I couldn’t do Pilaties or Barre all I could do was walk on the elliptical.. Well that just plain sucks.  

 I wore leggings and black tops, mostly target and H&M that was an easy staple before pregnancy now it was a prison. I was stuck in my own body and forced to act as though it was the greatest time of my life because it was way more difficult to tell people I was miserable. 

 Where is the silver lining in all of this Fashion misery…. Those things you hear about the weight coming off fast. Actually true; I was 20lbs down the first week after my son was born. I was so excited to be able to bend over once I was clear to excersise again it was the greatest feeling of my life. 

 I have this amazing little ball of joy that loves long walks and giggles when I jump rope, my entire pregnancy I failed to realize it was infact temporary . Like so many hard ships in your life… This too shall pass, and it did.  

 The prize at the end was well worth it and the human body is an amazing thing.  


Your body will never be the same after you have a baby

Your right it’s not, it’s better than ever and how I view myself now is diffrent, there is a difference between pregnant and fat; fat doesn’t give you a baby it just gives you diabetes.   

 Love yourself today, it’s the only one you get. 

The Dark side of the Bump

According to The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists ( ACOG), between 14-23% of womenwill struggle with some symptoms of depression in pregnancy.

 This was a Stat I remember sitting in bed reading through my tears.  I had just gotten into another fight with my husband, We had been married about six months . No stranger to a passionate argument, this one felt diffrent.    

The only reason I won’t hurt myself is because I might be pregnant.

Who says that? Who feels that? What was I thinking… Had I lost my mind.

It was months before I started researching Depression During Pregnancy as I sat alone in our bedroom quietly sobbing to myself I realized I wasn’t alone. Not only had other women experinced what I was going through, but It was infact a new theroy . There was a time when doctors belived it was impossible to be anything but happy while you were pregnant.  

  He is going to be so happy because I am so sad.

I would sit on the floor sobbing and my husband feeling so helpless would hold me and say… Poo 😦 ( our term of endearment )  I had convinced myself the child inside of me was taking all of my happiness and it was okay I felt this way because he was going to be so happy!

  He turned out to be amazingly happy, and he makes me amazingly happy!!!

The idea that I was overwhelmed with sadness during what some women refer to as the best time of there life was more pressure than I could handle.  

 There are lots of hormonal ups and downs during pregnancy, but depression and anxiety are all consuming and take over. Those voices speak louder than any other. Even the statistics make you feel tiny…you are less than a Quater so you must be broken. 

  No I believe I am a small percentage that is willing to stand up and say 

I was sad during my pregnancy and I am a happy well adjusted and gracious mother, my mental health does not change how much I love my child.

 My willingness to accept help allows me to further care for myself my family and my child.  

Depression during and after pregnancy: A resource for women, their families and friends from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Health Resources and Services Administration, Office of Maternal and Child Health

Mental Health America, or 800-273-TALK (8255),  Medications and more during pregnancy and breastfeeding from the Organization of Teratology Information Specialists (OTIS)

National Alliance on Mental Illness, or 800-950-NAMI (6264)

National Institute of Mental Health 

Substance and Mental Health Services Administration 

Source March of Dimes