The Silent Killer 

I’ve started this Blog 100 times, 100 ways

I’m being bullied 

It hurts

I can’t stand up for myself 

I’m lost and confused 


I am  a 33 years old women, and I’m being bullied….wait what. 

I’m not in High School, I’m not in a sorority. I am a grown women being bullied by another grown women.

Courage The heart of our Core Values, courage is the mental, moral, and physical strength ingrained in Marines that sees them through the challenges of combat and the mastery of fear, and to do what is right, to adhere to a higher standard of personal conduct, to lead by example, and to make tough decisions under stress and pressure. It is the inner strength that enables a Marine to take that extra step.

I was raised by a Marine with these Values

I have always tried to  adhere to a higher standard, and it is my personal goal on a daily basis to be able to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. I’m the one who can’t stand up in this situation.

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose. StopBullying.gov

The hardest thing for me in this situation is I’m the one being excluded. I’m the one who’s mental health is being compromised, the worst part is it’s a women. It’s a silent killer and I need to speak up, but I am so scared. The intimidation is real. This is my first step. I will not live afraid any more ,and I will not keep it a secret. I am standing up for my self , but also as an example for my son. 

Don’t live in silence 

-Tuella

Psychology Today
Bullying Prevention White House

Time Flies 

This Blog was Launched in 2014 and so much has happened since then… besides a baby and #ootd’s 

It’s gonna take a While and few Blogs to catch you up! The last blog I wrote I had Blonde hair and it was an inch long !

Things we will address in up coming blogs

What is Happening with Kyle Mitchell

How is my Mental Health 

What is this new F about! 


Be sure to Follow Triangle Scout Guide on Sunday the 23rd of April I’ll be taking over for High Point Furniture Market and after that we will address this New F to Live By!

-Tuella 

I don’t Drink Gin

It’s true I am 100% a vodka girl! 

I also don’t take shots it’s not Lady Like!   

Last night I did both, calm down Dad I had a DD he’s the guy in the left of the photo! My Husband  Kyle and recently faced a Bar and cabinets at the Durham Distillery a boutique Distillery and the home to Modern Gin.  

 

Bar Face & Faux Marble by Kyle Mitchell

 
So  we were invited to there Grand Opening! It was a crappy night in Durham as we got dumped on by Joaquin, but when we arrived the tents were a glow and I was rocking my newest Edie Sedgwick Doo!  

 As we entered we were greated by Melissa and Lee the husband and wife master minds behinde this “modern Gin” as they ushered me to the tasting bar I was reluctant since I couldn’t mix my gin due to the NC liquor laws. Oh the hesitation in that first shot of Gin and I had to take it straight… 

  I was blown away seriously the discription of this Gin is exactly as the way it taste. It was smooth it was a little floral it was in fact 

Vodkas cousin in a red dress! 

Liqueur was next in line to taste!  

 Damn Fine is the only way to describe this chocolatey alcoholic  goodness! This would be perfect alone on the rocks!  
  We had a lovely time! Thank you Melissa and Lee! We look forward to watching this buisness grow!

In short, I don’t drink Gin but if I do it better give me a Conniption!

    
The Durham Distillery is located in downtown Durham North Carolina for tastings, tours and info email them at info@durhamdistllery.com

Durham Distillery 

711 Washington Street 

Durham, NC 27701 

p. 919-937-2121

9 Months of Black a True Story 

The prompt on WordPress says 

Share your story here…

That’s exactly what I’m doing. Someone asked me today what my goal was with the blog; originally it started as a fashion blog because who doesn’t want to have a reason for all those selfies.    

 Once I found out I was pregnant I was terrified of what it was going to do to my body. I had worked so hard to be in great shape to feel good in my clothes, so good infact I was shareing pictures of myself with millions of strangers. 

 The first time my husband and I tried to conceive I couldn’t do it, I was in tears. I didn’t want to get fat.  

You’re not fat, you’re pregnant 

  I failed to see the difference honestly, and what is maternity fashion anyway. I spent my entire life trying to conseal my not so flat stomache, or my wide hips. All of a sudden it was acceptable to be round.  

 In the early months of my pregnancy I counted my calories to make sure my child was nourished and I wasn’t going to gain more than the 25-30 pounds at the doctors request .I gained 25lbs in three months eating 2000-1500 calories a day, and continuing my regular workouts.  

 I felt helpless, by my second trimester I couldn’t do Pilaties or Barre all I could do was walk on the elliptical.. Well that just plain sucks.  

 I wore leggings and black tops, mostly target and H&M that was an easy staple before pregnancy now it was a prison. I was stuck in my own body and forced to act as though it was the greatest time of my life because it was way more difficult to tell people I was miserable. 

 Where is the silver lining in all of this Fashion misery…. Those things you hear about the weight coming off fast. Actually true; I was 20lbs down the first week after my son was born. I was so excited to be able to bend over once I was clear to excersise again it was the greatest feeling of my life. 

 I have this amazing little ball of joy that loves long walks and giggles when I jump rope, my entire pregnancy I failed to realize it was infact temporary . Like so many hard ships in your life… This too shall pass, and it did.  

 The prize at the end was well worth it and the human body is an amazing thing.  

 

Your body will never be the same after you have a baby

Your right it’s not, it’s better than ever and how I view myself now is diffrent, there is a difference between pregnant and fat; fat doesn’t give you a baby it just gives you diabetes.   

 Love yourself today, it’s the only one you get. 

The Dark side of the Bump

According to The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists ( ACOG), between 14-23% of womenwill struggle with some symptoms of depression in pregnancy.

 This was a Stat I remember sitting in bed reading through my tears.  I had just gotten into another fight with my husband, We had been married about six months . No stranger to a passionate argument, this one felt diffrent.    

The only reason I won’t hurt myself is because I might be pregnant.

Who says that? Who feels that? What was I thinking… Had I lost my mind.

It was months before I started researching Depression During Pregnancy as I sat alone in our bedroom quietly sobbing to myself I realized I wasn’t alone. Not only had other women experinced what I was going through, but It was infact a new theroy . There was a time when doctors belived it was impossible to be anything but happy while you were pregnant.  

  He is going to be so happy because I am so sad.

I would sit on the floor sobbing and my husband feeling so helpless would hold me and say… Poo 😦 ( our term of endearment )  I had convinced myself the child inside of me was taking all of my happiness and it was okay I felt this way because he was going to be so happy!

  He turned out to be amazingly happy, and he makes me amazingly happy!!!

The idea that I was overwhelmed with sadness during what some women refer to as the best time of there life was more pressure than I could handle.  

 There are lots of hormonal ups and downs during pregnancy, but depression and anxiety are all consuming and take over. Those voices speak louder than any other. Even the statistics make you feel tiny…you are less than a Quater so you must be broken. 

  No I believe I am a small percentage that is willing to stand up and say 

I was sad during my pregnancy and I am a happy well adjusted and gracious mother, my mental health does not change how much I love my child.

 My willingness to accept help allows me to further care for myself my family and my child.  

Depression during and after pregnancy: A resource for women, their families and friends from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Health Resources and Services Administration, Office of Maternal and Child Health

Mental Health America, nmha.org or 800-273-TALK (8255)

mothertobaby.org,  Medications and more during pregnancy and breastfeeding from the Organization of Teratology Information Specialists (OTIS)

National Alliance on Mental Illness, nami.org or 800-950-NAMI (6264)

National Institute of Mental Health 

Substance and Mental Health Services Administration 

Source March of Dimes